Don’t stare. Just tickle.

Have you seen this video?

If you haven’t, and this conversation doesn’t convince you to do so, I don’t know what will:

Friend: This slow loris getting tickled, kinda scared the hell out of me. It’s the expressive face. SO cute that it’s off-putting.
Me: IT KILLS ME.
Friend: Yeah it’s like wrong that an animal can be like that.
Me: I have shown even my most manly of friends to see if it can get a rise out of them. It ALWAYS does. Everyone dies. 
Friend: Hahahaha
Me: They should weaponize that video.
Friend: I don’t trust the slow loris. It looks like it knows too much. Like it can talk, but chooses not to.
Me: Hahahahahahahaha. Those damn prosimians. They all know too much.
Friend: But the slow loris knows it ALL.
Me: WHOA THAT IS KOALA TERRITORY BACK THE F*** OFF.
Friend: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Koala within 5 words of swearing is always funny.
Also: I want to get a Slow Loris.
Me: I think they might be slightly dangerous.
Friend: SEE? They’ll probably f*** with your home theater system, too.
Me (at the same time): They don’t just appear in doorways. They appear in your synaptic gaps.
Friend (at the same time): And format your hard drive.
Me (at the same time): And steal your neurons.

So there you have it. Slow Lorises can talk, but they choose not to. They will f*** with your home theater system, appear in your synaptic gaps, format your hard drive, and steal you neurons. VIEWERS BEWARE.